我在后台焦急地等着,握着贝司的手沁满汗水,春晓激动地在后台跳着,我生怕他跳进去,坏了别人的场子。我担心音频线突然出不了声,担心突然忘谱,担心以前所有演出的不靠谱都在今天“靠谱”乐队演出的时候重现。这就是一个实力泛泛的平凡乐手在演出时候的真实心情,我每次上台,都会感觉到的不安与不自信。而不一样的,是我盯着舞台的眼神,我死命地盯着那个话筒和贝斯音箱,吩咐小李子帮忙春晓摆好话筒架,我真的渴望这最后一次压轴。

我还是弹错音了,因为脑子里已然一片空白,看着台下所有的面孔,我激动不已,就差冲过去拥抱每一个人。之前主音吉他“葱”跟我说,我们无所谓的,反正只要演给自己人看就完整了。我反驳他,我更加在乎那些我们不认识的人的眼神。我今天终于确认,我是对的。台下所有的观众,都是那么热切地鼓励着我们,那些乐手,强过我水平太多的乐手,一度让我畏惧这个舞台的乐手,也绽放出最真情的微笑。我不知道那算不算是一种赞赏,但我知道,这样的微笑,让我感到我所想象中,也是我在音乐广播节目里写下过无数次的所谓音乐的力量。我本来一直在担心和室友乐队的曲目冲突,会不会是一种冒犯;听到试音时候大家的慌乱,紧张,我害怕把这些音符倾倒到到台上,我确信这都是我的妄想。

破除了妄想,这是至深的爽快。当我眼里噙着泪,看到蓄着摇滚胡子双手过头鼓掌的老师,看到大声叫“帅哥”的挚友,还有那些所有鼓掌的,微笑的人群。看到相辉堂的天花板,地板,地上的那些七歪八斜的音频线,oh my god,我觉得这就是天堂。破除了惧怕的天堂。

这一夜,我尽力叫来了所有伙伴。小山和老猫最后跟我说,“这五年,我们是要好好做一些事情了。”“你丢给我们好多重担。”我明白他们何出此言,因为他们的心里,也有些东西,随着众人的歌声轻轻地打开。这些年我在兄弟们的影响下变得喜爱言说,也终于能给比我年轻那么一些的朋友们,讲出许多他们受用的道理。但是,我知道唯有这一次,是最深切地触动到了伙伴们的心里。所有的朋友,你们都来对了吧。

这是毕业演出么?对我来说,也许名义上是的。但就像老话说的,“毕业就是新的开始”。这只是一个开始,新的领悟从心中生发,成为激励我从这个校园走出,到新的路上的力量;更成为让我在脚下的路上,继续疾走的力量,也让我用这只弹琴的手,握住妳的手,和我们的未来一切命运的力量。

未来孤单的日子里,我会拿起吉他(哦,现在还可以拿起贝司),弹唱这首歌,让今日的勇气永伴吾心。

Oasis - Live Forever

Song & Lyrics: Noel Gallagher

Maybe I don't really wanna know
How your garden grows cos I just wanna fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly,
Wanna live, I don't wanna die
Maybe I just want to breathe
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

I said maybe I don't really wanna know
How your garden grows cos I just wanna fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone

Maybe I will never be
All the things that I wanna be
But now is not the time to cry
Now's the time to find out why
I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows cos I just wanna fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly,
Wanna live, I don‘t wanna die
Maybe I just want to breathe
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
We're gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Gonna live forever